


Crazy Carnival

by Chicki



Category: The L Word (TV 2004)
Genre: F/F, circa 2010
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-18
Updated: 2020-04-18
Packaged: 2021-03-01 19:08:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,500
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23722147
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chicki/pseuds/Chicki
Summary: Everyone has a little something they fear...
Comments: 4
Kudos: 3





	Crazy Carnival

**Author's Note:**

> Hope this short story brings a smile to your face...

**CRAZY CARNIVAL**

**By Chicki**

Angie had been on our case to bring her to the carnival that set up in the Walmart parking lot since the day it first opened up last weekend. It didn’t matter that we made a trip to Knott’s Berry Farm or Disneyland a few times a year, this little girl still wanted in on the fun, and I was never one to say no to her. With the schedules that Tina and I had been keeping all week long, we were having a hard time arranging our schedules so we could get her there, and she wasn’t shy about voicing her disappointment. At eight years of age, she was still my little girl, but to her…well she was a demanding young adult.

“Are you going to answer that Momma B?”

I turned to face Angie who was sitting on the recliner watching Hanna Montana on television; her attention interrupted by the sound of my cell phone ringing. I flipped it open and walked into the next room before I said a thing. “Hello.”

“Hi babe.”  
  
“Hey Tee…are you almost here?”

“No, that’s why I’m calling. I think there was an accident or something on the freeway. I’ve been at a complete standstill for 15 minutes.”  
  
I glanced into the living room and immediately sensed the disappointment that would soon come if we had to once again cancel out on Angie. “Tonight’s the last night.”  
  
“I know.”

“She’s going to be so disappointed.” The silence on the other end was confirmation that Tina felt the same. 

“Why don’t you take her.”  
  
“Me? She won’t have as much fun with me Tee, you know that.”

“Of course she will babe. She loves when you win her the stuffies.”

“Uh-huh…and what about-“ 

Before I could finish, Tina continued. “…and she loves sharing cotton candy with you too.”

“I know, but a big part of the carnival are the rides Tina. You know how I feel about –“  
  
“Trust me…you just get her over there and play some games, and have some cotton candy and I’ll be there in plenty of time to take her on the rides.”

“You sure?”

“I’ll get there, one way or another. “

I was banking on Tina’s assurance, because I knew our daughter – she wasn’t going to opt for anymore of those rides where you sit in a car and make pretend you are steering it. Angie was more into the Round Up, Gravitar and Ferris Wheel. She thrived on adrenalin rushes – like her Momma B, but the difference was…I absolutely hated heights!

After saying goodbye, I flipped the phone shut and joined Angelica in the living room.

“Who was that?”

“It was Mom.”

“Is she almost here?”

“No, not exactly –“ Before I could finish, Angie was jumping to conclusions and getting upset.

“Momma B, today is the last night! You guys promised! “

“Hold on a minute. I’m going to take you.”

“You? What about Mom?”

“She is stuck in traffic honey. She said she would meet us there as soon as she can. There must have been an accident or something, but she shouldn’t be too long.”

Angie expressed a small sigh before standing from the chair and turning the television off. “She is always a lot of fun on the rides.”

I tried my hardest not to show any emotion, for I had always had a good excuse why I wasn’t the one to go on the rides with the girls. I know it might sound crazy, but I didn’t want Angie to ever acquire my own fears – and fear of heights was one. 

“I suppose you could always just go on them with me if she doesn’t get here in time,” Angie said before heading towards the side door and out to the car.

I felt the lump grow in my throat. Me? I don’t think so…

#

Once we arrived at the carnival, it wasn’t long before Angie headed for the game with the balloons tacked to the large board.

“You want to give this one a shot huh?”

“Yep.”

“That will be $3.00 for 3 darts young lady,” the man with the long mustache said with a grin.

While I handed him three one dollar bills, Angie was already eyeing the balloons. 

“You know which one you are going to try to pop?” I asked, crossing my fingers that my little girl would be able to get the prize all on her own.

“Yep, just watch!” Angie squinted one eye as she concentrated on the balloon which was moving ever so slightly. She pulled her hand back and then quickly brought it forward as she released the dart.

“Two more tries there little lady, you were pretty close that time,” the man cheerfully encouraged.

Again Angie stared intensely at the board filled with balloons before once more pulling her arm back and releasing the dart. I felt my eyes cringe at how far off she was – the frustration was growing in face.

“It’s okay Boo, you just do your best.”

When the third dart missed the intended target, Angie stomped her foot on the ground. “Damn it!” she said before quickly bringing her hand to her mouth as if to stop it.

“Angie!”

“I’m sorry Momma B.”

The man smirked and handed Angie three more darts. “Here, why don’t you give it another try.”

As I started to reach in my pocket to pay him another three dollars, he kindly waved it off. I think he really wanted to see my daughter win the extra large Scooby Doo, and I sure as heck did too.

It was Angie’s third try and still no luck.

“I can’t get it Momma B!”

It was then I reached into my pocket and paid the man three dollars and gave it a try. The first dart was a little to the left of the balloon, bringing about a disappointing gasp that I could hear from behind me. The second dart was a bit above, bringing yet another impulsive gasp. The third dart however, looked like it was in slow motion as it made its approach. It sailed straight towards the balloon, and just as Angelica yelled “yes” the balloon popped – leaving the rubber remnants hanging from the dart.

“Winner! We have a winner here!” the man announced into his microphone. “Step right up and be a winner too!”

Angie clapped aloud, “Yay! You did it Momma B!”

I couldn’t help but feel proud. It was just a stuffed animal, but to my little girl it was the world.

**#**

As Angie and I made our way through the carnival, we played more games, losing some and winning a few more…but one thing was lingering; where was Tina?

“OoOo cotton candy! My favorite!” Angie pulled my hand towards the booth that was producing a blend of sweet smells – cotton candy, candy apples, buttered popcorn, fried dough. I found myself just as eager to share in the traditional snack that my daughter and I typically shared at the carnival – not to mention, it would buy more time before she started asking about going on the rides.

“Can we get the pink and blue mix?” Angie asked.

“Sure we can.” I reached into my pocket and handed the vendor a five dollar bill, thinking back to when I was a child and how the cotton candy only came on a paper stick, and was a meager fifty cents! _Shit, I’m old,_ I thought to myself.

Angie eagerly took the bag from me and began diving in. “Mmm, Momma B…it’s so good.”

I smiled as my hand patted the back of her head and our walk brought us to a bench. “Why don’t we sit here, and I’ll give Mom a call – see where she is.”

“Okay.”

I reached into my back pocket and pulled my phone out. I had two text messages! The carnival music must have drowned the tone that alerted I received them. 

_** Hey. Still stuck in traffic. Radio station says a chopper is landing on the freeway. Hang in there, I’ll b there soon. **_

_Fuck!_ I thought to myself as I quickly checked the next message.

_** K, not good. At a standstill. Maybe she will go on some rides alone? Sorry babe, doing my best **_

I quickly looked at my watch, the last message came in only 5 minutes ago.

“Well, aren’t ya gonna call?” Angie asked as she looked up at me.

“Oh, well actually Mom had sent me a few messages. She is still in traffic, but should be here soon. I guess we just have to wait.” I offered the biggest smile.

“Goody! I can’t wait to get on the Ferris Wheel.”

I grabbed at a piece of cotton candy and ignored the statement. “Hey, look at that game over there. It looks pretty easy.” You press the button on the gun and hit the target with the stream of water. Easy enough. 

“That’s boring.”

“Boring?” 

“Yeah, there isn’t any fun in that one.”

“Why not? It’s an easy win.”

“I know, but I like something that is challenging.”

I raised my brows and laughed. My daughter didn’t want “easy” she wanted “challenging.” Go figure.

“How about we go on that?” Angie pointed to the Gravitron.

“The Gravitron? I don’t know…doesn’t look like it would be much fun.” Where in the hell was my wife? Not only did I have to avoid heights, but now I have to avoid having my brains feel like they re-route through my ass!

“Course it is Momma B. That is the one that the floor drops out and gravity keeps you up against the wall. It’s pretty awesome! You can turn upside down against the wall and everything! 

“I know what it does honey. I just don’t think that it would be as exciting as…well, as…” I was feeling tongue tied. What could I relate the ride to?

“As the Werris wheel?”

“The Ferris Wheel…um….well, I don’t know Angie. Don’t you think you might be outgrowing that one honey?’

“No way! Come on Momma B, let’s go!” Before I realized it, my daughter had a strong hold of my hand and was pulling me in the direction of that god awful wheel that man alone could not have made…could he have?

While we stood in line to get tickets, I felt my heart beating fast as I dialed Tina.

“Hey babe –“

“Tina, where are you?” My voice was frantic, and while I didn’t want to come across as blaming, the panic was taking over.

“Hun I told-“

“Do you know where I am?”

“Uh…the carni-“

“I’m in line Tee, at the ticket booth!” I continued to look away from my daughter and cup the phone so she wouldn’t sense my growing anxiety. Every now and then I looked in her direction and offered a quick smile.

“Okay, I thought I would be there by now, but just as I sent you the last message, there was another delay. I’m sorry honey…just…I don’t know, play more games.”

“That isn’t going to work, not this time. She is all pumped up, and after I purchase these tickets, I have no choice.”

“Just tell her that Mom wants to really go on the Ferris Wheel with her.”

“I doubt that will work.”

“What?” Angie asked, catching a small part of my words.

“Um, Mom was really looking forward to going on the Ferris Wheel with you Angie. She wants to know if you can wait for a little while longer and she can go on with you.” I waited with great anticipation and hope that my daughter would agree. As the line moved even closer to the ticket booth, my heart skipped a beat. “What do you say Ange?”

“I have a better idea!”

“Oh…great,” I mumbled.

“What honey?” No doubt Tina felt lost on the other end of the phone; the carnival music drowning out any possibility of her hearing Angie herself.

“She says she has a better idea.”

“What is it?” Tina asked.

“What is it Angie?”

“You and I can go now, and then I’ll go with Mom when she gets here. I’ve never been on a ride with you Momma B – it would be fun!” Angie smiled wide, while my heart raced wildly. 

“Honey? What did Angie say?”

“Uh…that I could go on with her first, and then she can go on again once you arrived.”

“Shit.”

“Yeah, you could say that again.”

“Baby, I’m sorry…just tell her…tell her you can’t go on the Ferris Wheel because you are scared of-“

“No way, I can’t – I just can’t Tee.”

“You can’t what Momma B?”

“I…I can’t…can’t wait to get our tickets.” 

“Babe, did you just say what I think you said?” Tina’s voice was filled with surprise.

“Yep, I did. Angie wanted to know what I couldn’t wait for…”

Tina knew the situation was getting worse by the minute. “Ah, I see.”

“Any update Tee?” I asked nervously as I suddenly became number two in the ticket line.

“I’m doing my best – maybe fifteen?”

Before I realized it, I was standing before the window and reaching into my pocket.

“Can we buy the bracelet so we can have unlimited rides? Please Momma B?”

 _Un-lim-i-ted_.. the word repeated slowly in my head.

“Momma B?”

“Yes…sorry. Why don’t we just start with a few tickets okay?”

“Momma Beeee, come on it will be more fun to keep riding the rides and not have to keep buying tickets,” Angie insisted.

“Boo, I’ll keep buying them if I have to.” With people becoming rambunctious behind us, I quickly purchased a sheet of 25 tickets for $20.00 and reluctantly headed towards the Ferris Wheel.

**#**

While stopped at the red light which wasn’t that far from the Walmart parking lot, Tina kept looking at her watch, as her anxiety started to grow. She felt for Bette, and the few fears this strong woman had. All kidding aside, Tina knew Bette well, and she knew that she was struggling right now. Ironically, the Ferris Wheel was the first object to catch Tina’s attention as she turned right; the massive wheel cleared the tree line and even at about 500 feet away it was enormous. 

She quickly texted Bette.

_** Where r u? **_

#

Was my phone vibrating or was it irritable bowel that had started to jostle my system? I reached to my back pocket to find a new message from Tina. _Please god, let this be her telling me she is walking over to the ride right now_ , I thought to myself. Wanting to put my mind at peace, I drafted a quick message and sent it off.

_** In line. WHERE R U?! **_

The ride had been stopped, and the operator was slowly moving each of the seats to the platform to allow the people to exit. If luck was on my side, Tina would get here just in time to take my spot! As I awaited her response, I nearly passed out when the man had already boarded everyone that was in line before us.

“YES! This is gonna be great Momma B!” Angie exclaimed as she stood at the front of the line, eager and ready to run to her seat once the man signaled for us.

#

The line entering the parking lot was backed up further than Tina had expected. “Fuck!” She could see the Ferris Wheel and it appeared to start up and then stop, which meant that people were exiting or entering.

_** tell her 2 wait. I’m waiting 2 pull in lot **_

As she hit send, she looked up to see the Ferris Wheel slowly starting to turn. “Damn it!” The palm of her hand hit the steering wheel.

#

I gripped the bar as tight as I could while he slowly raised our seat, allowing the next pair of people to take their seat in the capsule. I was okay when I was about 8 feet from the ground, but that was the last time I felt myself _‘okay.’_

Angie was smiling wide, excited to be on the ride. “This is awesome isn’t it Momma B?!”

I felt frozen in one place. Each time the ride slowly rose and stopped to allow another person in, I felt my heart pound harder, my palms sweat more, and my breathing more shallow – not to mention the fact my knuckles had gone white from the strong hold I had on the bar.

“You don’t have to hold on Momma B. It’s more fun if you just raise your arms and stuff – kind of makes you feel like you could fall out!”

“F…fa…fall out?” I uttered, just about breaking a sound from my now dry mouth. 

“Don’t worry, you won’t fall out, look –“ Angie started to rock back and forth in the seat to prove we were safely inside, for me however, it is what started a series of summersaults in my stomach.

“STOP!” I screeched, in a voice which I could hardly sense was my own. 

I felt Angie’s eyes look up at me, and no matter how hard I could have tried, there was no way of hiding the horror on my face.

“Are you okay Momma B?”

I tried to say ‘no’ … even mouth the word, but nothing came. My breaths were so short and fast, that I felt like I was going to pass out. 

“You look like you’re going to puke – are you going to puke?” Angie asked, her worry starting to show.

It took all I had in me just to shake my head signaling that I was not going to be sick. When he stopped the ride with us at the very top, I closed my eyes, hoping that I could mentally place myself somewhere else – a beach, at work, sitting on the damn toilet even! I needed to be grounded.

“Off,” I muttered at first, before it suddenly turned into a plea for help. “OFF, I need to get OFF!” Before I could control anything that came out of my mouth, I was shouting at the top of my lungs.

Angie placed her hand over one of mine, though I couldn’t feel it, I saw it. I tried so hard to keep myself together, but I was falling completely apart in front of my daughter. The slow breathing techniques, the self talk, nothing had helped – screaming at the top of my lungs to get off just seemed more productive at this point.

“It’s okay Momma B, we will be off soon.”

I knew my darling daughter was trying to calm me down, but my focus was more on timing my scream for help just so, so that once our seat passed the ride operator, I could tell him to get me off and hopefully he would hear me before I had to make a second full pass around. Then again…why bother with the timing at all? If I just kept screaming bloody murder at the top of my lungs someone would hear me – wouldn’t they?

**#**

Tina wasn’t close enough to see the drama that was unfolding on the Ferris Wheel, but she knew her wife well, and she knew that she wouldn’t let Angie down. No doubt…somewhere on that wheel was her wife and daughter. As the line of traffic started to move along, Tina noticed something odd. The Ferris Wheel had come to a complete stop. It hadn’t gone around but one full time; rather odd for a ride to have done that. She started to worry that the ride had broken. It would be just Bette’s luck for such an occurrence, considering how freaked out she was by heights.

As the police officer motioned for her to turn into the parking lot, she felt her nerves start to grow. Bette hadn’t written a text message back, and now the ride was at a standstill – could it have stopped with her at the very top? Her eyes caught a vehicle pulling out of a parking space, which she quickly signaled for and grabbed before someone else could. 

#

“Lady…let go of the bar,” The man pleaded.

I heard him, but my hands didn’t want to comply.

“Momma B, you have to get off the ride now.” Angie reached around the Scooby Doo stuffed animal that had been sitting between us and grabbed for my hands. “Everyone else is waiting to continue the ride.”

My eyes had been fixed straight ahead, on the bumper cars. It wasn’t until I felt Angie’s hands on top of my own, that I stopped my fixation. “What?”

“Momma B, you have to let go of the bar. The man stopped the ride so we can get off now.”

I looked around and found not only had we stopped, but the stares by some of those waiting to board the ride were humiliating. I slowly opened each hand so I was no longer having a death grip on the bar. My fingers hurt…my knuckles were tight. _What the hell just happened?_ I thought to myself. For a moment in time, I felt like I wasn’t even inside my body. The shear fear had nearly brought me to my knees, and probably would have if I wasn’t holding onto that damn bar so tight. As the man slowly pulled the bar away, my bearings returned and along with it came a bruised ego. 

“Thank you,” I said quietly as I exited the ride and made my way down a set of metal stairs. As I passed by the line of people waiting to get onto the ride, I felt even more ashamed. These were children…8 years old like Angie - some even looked younger! 

I continued to hold Angie’s hand, or was it that she was holding mine? Honestly, I wasn’t sure…I suppose I liked to think I was holding hers, but in reality that wasn’t so much the case.

“You want something to drink Momma B?”

“No honey, I’m okay. Thank you.” I didn’t know what to say. I was truly embarrassed by the fear I showed. I hadn’t felt so small in a long time. I reached into my back pocket and retrieved the cell phone which had sounded, indicating I had received a text message.

_** tell her 2 wait. I’m waiting 2 pull in lot **_

It was from Tina, and it looked like it had been sent shortly after I sent my final one to her. 

“Mom!” Angie yelled as she darted from my side. I looked up to find my beloved Tina walking in our direction, then stopping to give Angelica a big hug.

Tina was a little confused. Perhaps Bette had stepped out of line and did in fact wait for them. “Did you go on the Ferris Wheel? “ Before Angie could provide a verbal answer, the expression on Bette’s face provided it instead.

“Yes…and No,” Angie replied.

“Bette?” Tina tilted her head as she placed her hand on my arm.

“We got on it…sat down…and –“

“Momma B screamed to get off. You should have seen her Mom, she was freaking out and I thought she was going to die.” The little drama queen was coming out in full force, and Tina could sense my discomfort.

“It’s okay if Momma B didn’t like the ride.”

“Yeah but-“

“No, listen to me for a moment. Momma B does a lot of things that you or I can’t do, or that we aren’t as good at right?”

“Yeah… I guess.”

“So, this is just one of those things that Momma B isn’t that good at.”

 _Not good at – ouch!_ I didn’t like finding myself ‘not good’ at things, but Tina was right. I suppose everyone has something they aren’t as strong with.

“She was really scared,” Angie said more seriously. “I felt bad for her.”

I couldn’t help but smile as I patted my daughter on the head. “Thank you for trying to be helpful on the ride. You are a good little girl.”

“Looks like she was good at winning you that stuffed animal,” Tina noted.

“Uh huh.”

Tina leaned toward me and offered a tender kiss on my cheek. “You okay?”

“Uh…yeah…now I am. Never again though. Never again, I whispered as her head lingered close to my own.

Tina laughed as she took hold of my hand and gave it a gentle squeeze. “Ouch!”

“Oh sorry…what’s wrong with your hand?”

“Must be artheri…artheri…tis, or something like that,” Angie piped up, hoping to save me some face.

Tina curled her brows. “Pardon?”

“Just go with it Mom,” Angie said quietly, with the intention that I would not hear.

“Oh…yes…of course. It must be…right Bette?”

“Maybe so,” I winked at my daughter who quickly asked if she could rush back to the Ferris Wheel and stand in line again.

“Go ahead, I’ll be there in a minute.” Tina looked at me with deep sincerity in her eyes. “I’m so sorry baby. I know you must have been extremely uncomfortable. I honestly did my best to get here.”

“I know you did Tee. It’s okay…I survived it.” We both chuckled. “But unless you are home, I’m never taking Angie to another carnival ever again.”

Tina smiled and placed her hand on the small of my back as we both walked towards that dreadful ride. “You sure you don’t want to join us?” Tina joked.

“Positive,” I replied firmly, handing her the rest of the tickets as the Ferris Wheel operator glared at me.

When Tina stepped in line, she asked me to hold onto her sunglasses, as Angie asked me to keep Scooby Doo safe in my arms. This was how it was suppose to have been…me on the ground, holding my girls’ things while they went on the ride. 

I watched in envy as Tina hopped into the next seat available, with excitement and ease I only wished I could have felt for myself a few minutes earlier. I suppose we can’t be everything to everyone; so what if I was the official wimpy carnival Mom…I still rocked at winning those stuffed animals. I gave Scooby a little hug as I offered an enthusiastic wave and glowing smile to both my girls.

**~ THE END ~**

**© 2010 Chicki**

**_Disclaimer:_ **

This Fan Fiction posting contains fictitious characters and a fictitious storyline. Most characters belong to Ilene Chaiken and Showtime Television. Readers must not modify, copy/plagiarize, disseminate, or take action in reliance upon it, unless permitted by the _said author_ of this Fan Fiction posting. None of the materials provided on this Fan Fiction posting may be used, reproduced or transmitted, in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including the use of any information storage and retrieval system, without written permission from author.


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